Purpose > Pretense
I’ve spent a large part of my motherhood blaming my family structure or the fact that I have children on why my dreams were deferred. I’ve even blamed my partner for my feelings of unfulfillment - placing that responsibility of my happiness solely in his hands. I was of the belief that because I had children that I could not and would not achieve a desired goal or even attempt to inch just a little closer to the life I desired.
The life I have built up until this point has been beautiful. Truthfully, much of it was based on pretense, overextending, anxiousness, projection. I was moving based off what I learned the model mother and wife were supposed to do. It was not an authentic depiction of who I was. How much more beautiful will it get without life’s messiness? I’m ready to find out.
Gone are the days where we compartmentalize our womanhood for the sake of motherhood. Living a full life doesn’t have to wait until our children are grown and have moved on independently. Economic and political structures are in the balance and family structures are changing; we can’t be dependent on the world’s systems to allow us to be our full selves.
What does authentic motherhood look like to you? How can your purpose and personality show up in its fullness? Gone are the days where we compartmentalize our womanhood for the sake of motherhood. If you strip away what religion has taught you, what your foremothers modeled, how trauma conditioned you, what social media is saying - how does life look for you? For me, it is prioritizing rest and peace, filling my own cup, fighting against the rush and bustle of American culture, learning to trust God in me and align with only that.
If you’re a new mother, a single mother or in a period of transition, authenticity may be the last thing on your list. Challenge yourself to start small instead of imparting a grand gesture. Ask for me help. Resist the urge to clean and rest instead. Replace “I feel guilty” with “I deserve.” If your children are old enough to comprehend, tell them “I don’t have capacity for that right now.” These are my favorite words right now. It took practice for me to say and for my children to get it but now, it’s a mainstay. And while it’s teaching them how to care for themselves, truthfully, I don’t do it for them. I do it for me. To wake up and not feel taxed. Life will come and life will go but the spirt of who you are and your purpose is constant. If time is a construct, I’m already an ancestor and my legacy will be that of peace, joy and love. Why not now?